becky

Picture the scene; you are a counsellor working with clients in a busy private practice, business is doing well and you are working effectively with your clients on some deeply emotional issues. Supervision rolls around once a month and your supervisor only allows you to use the time to talk about the clients you are working with, they tell you that your personal life events need to be worked through in personal therapy. Now whilst I agree in principle that supervision needs to allow lots of space to discuss the clients we are working with, I personally feel that this closed off approach to supervision can leave you and your supervisor wide open missing something very fundamental. As a supervisor, my role amongst other things is to ensure that my supervisee’s clients are receiving safe and ethical therapy, that the work is therapeutic and that my supervisee is exploring any blind spots they may have. You see this is where some supervisors trip-up in my opinion; by closing off the supervisee from being able to share their own challenges, stories and experiences in supervision, how could the supervisor possibly understand and know how work with clients may impact the counsellor working with them? Equally how would the supervisor know if the counsellor is allowing their own personal experiences to cloud their view of the client? There is also the thorny topic relating to counsellors feeling resourced enough to do the work in the first place, I believe that a major function of supervision is to allow counsellors to leave feeling a little lighter, more resourced and able to manage their work with clients in a way that helps to avoid compassion fatigue; if this function of supervision is missing we run the risk of counsellors struggling to engage and show up fully for their clients as they are carrying too much, the perfect recipe for burnout.  Now, whilst I acknowledge that it is important to be aware of what a supervisee has been through or is going through in their lives, it is also important that supervision is balanced, if supervisees are regularly needing a large proportion of supervision time discussing their own issues then of course it would only be right for me to gently advise them to seek some personal therapy to do their personal experiences the justice they deserve. But I do believe that supervision that nails it is a space to check in with how supervisees are feeling, offering them empathy and a kind listening ear to understand how they are truly. This is the magic ingredient so that not only do they feel like I care about them (I care deeply about the wellbeing of all my supervisees), but I can also gently point out and explore when they client is bringing something to them that might have major similarities to something they have been through; you would be surprised how many times I have acknowledged this and the supervisee hadn’t been aware of this potential trigger. So, in a nut shell, I want all of the my supervisees to come to supervision feeling that nothing is off limits, we can talk together, I can support them and hopefully at the end of the session they feel well-resourced to go back to working with their clients and continuing to build on the wonderful therapeutic relationships that they creating. I truly hope they all look forward to supervision and that it is not a chore but a nourishing time of connection. This article was written by Devon based counsellor and supervisor Becky Whittaker. Becky runs a counselling practice based in Exeter, Devon and online with clients and supervisee’s all over the UK. If you are looking for a new supervisor please get in touch.

As a supervisor and in my role at the counselling college I was running, occasionally a student would ask ‘why do I need personal therapy during the training?’ Some had received therapy in the past and others had never been for therapy but when weighing up the cost of training, the potential cost of supervision and all the other expenses involved in the Level 4 Diploma in Counselling it was easy to see why they questioned it.  The answer I would often give when asked would be ‘we can’t be in a clients deep stuff, unless we know ourselves really well’ but thinking about it there are more strands to this particular topic, as counsellors we do need to know ourselves really well, but equally importantly it is key to understand why we feel the way we feel, to help us to separate out our feelings and experiences from that of our clients.  The work we do in our own therapy prepares us working with clients who have maybe been through similar experiences to ourselves, it allows us an insight into sitting in the clients chair and how nerve wracking this can be and it provides student counsellors with a safe space to explore all the buttons that their counselling training will be pressing.  Good counselling training is designed to help explore prejudices, biases and core beliefs, without a space to process all that is coming up for counsellors in training it would be like planting seeds without any soil. Some of the best learning comes from seeing what a therapist does well and on occasion maybe not so well, this insight is a fundamental part of growth. So, you might be wondering where you start when it comes to finding a counsellor to be alongside you and offer therapy during your training, I would say that this is where it is important to find the right person, look for a counsellor that offers a student rate for therapists in training but don’t just go for the cheapest person as it is important you can go into therapy and be yourself, you don’t want to feel like you need to impress your therapist in some way, you need someone you can be real with; maybe you want someone that doesn’t treat you just as a student counsellor as you are so much more.  It is good to try and work with a therapist that works in a similar modality to how you are being trained, but it is also important that the therapy works for you personally too. Try and search for therapists that offer a free, no obligation meeting so you can see if you are both a good fit for each other, you also don’t have to agree to work with the first counsellor you meet if something feels off, trust your instinct and meet with some others. You are paying the bill, and it is important it feels right.  So, in a nutshell, personal therapy during counselling training is imperative in my opinion and finding the right person to support you through what can be a very challenging time is crucial, you are deserve it, you are important. This article was written by experienced Counsellor and Supervisor Becky Whittaker. Becky is based in Exeter, Devon but also works online with clients and supervisee’s all over the UK. If you are looking for counselling or supervision please get in touch, Becky offers student rates for counsellors in training at Level 4 and above.

So, let me set the scene and see if this resonates with you. You have been dealing with stuff recently and have been struggling to cope with day-to-day life in the way you have been able to in the past. Things are feeling overwhelming, you have felt more anxious than normal or maybe you are struggling to make decisions and find any direction for the future. You have been considering contacting a counsellor but then it hits you; the sheer level of uncertainty, nervousness and perhaps fear stops you in your tracks. I am here to let you know that this is completely normal and to talk some more about how to overcome this. If you think about it, when you think about telling a complete stranger your deepest darkest thoughts it is natural for this to feel daunting, anxiety provoking and scary, especially if you are a person that rarely speaks about yourself to others or worries about burdening people with your troubles, this is where the unique therapeutic relationship that counselling provides can be super helpful. Counselling is not like any other relationship you will ever have in your life, as counsellors we are not here to judge, we meet clients with empathy and understanding and above all, we know how hard it is to the sit in the clients’ chair, especially at the beginning.  So, what does all of this mean in reality? It means that finding the right person is crucial, we can’t be all things to all people, so finding your person is going to be an integral part of this process. Contact counsellors that offer a no obligation meeting free of charge. The relationship is so important you might have to contact more than one counsellor to find the right ingredients for you to feel comfortable, please remember you don’t have to tell the counsellor everything on the first meeting but give them a flavour (I must be hungry with all of these food references!) of what you are hoping that therapy can help you with. Be prepared to let the counsellor know if you have had any other counselling in the past. The first meeting is as much for you to see if you think you can work with the counsellor as it is for them to see if they have the right experience, skillset and training to offer what you need, if they don’t they can usually point you in the right direction of someone that does. It will feel strange at first, as I said it isn’t natural for clients to tell everything to a stranger, but remember, you won’t be strangers for long, the unique way that counsellors build strong and lasting therapeutic relationships may surprise you, we want to help, we want to understand and we want to provide a non-judgement ear for our clients. We are not about offering advice as you can honestly get that from any friend of family member for free, we want to walk alongside you in whatever you are struggling with and help you to find your own way through. So, in a nutshell, the key takeaway that I hope you have held onto from reading my ramblings in this article is that it is natural to be nervous, but, once you make a start it will get easier; you can do it, just give yourself permission to take things at your pace – you don’t have to say it all right away, take your time. Finding a counsellor who is suitably qualified is important, this is where the Counselling Directory provides an extensive list of all types of counsellors who are vetted to ensure they are qualified, are a member of a professional body and have insurance. This article was written by experienced counsellor and supervisor Becky Whittaker, based in Exeter, Devon and online UK wide via Zoom, please feel free to reach out if you are looking for counselling or supervision, I am here to help.